Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Keith Olbermann on Proposition 8

I got this clip off Facebook this morning from the National Equality March, so I'm not sure when it was actually aired...I agree with Keith and he said it so well...

Life is short and if you are lucky enough to find someone to love, it shouldn't matter what your color, what your religion, or what your sexual orientation is...what happens between CONSENTING ADULTS is no one elses business. LIVE and let LIVE, LOVE and let LOVE! Let our hearts BELIEVE IN EQUALITY for ALL of our brothers and sisters!

I want my name to be written in God's "Book of Love" and I know in my heart God does not make mistakes! The world has changed since the Bible was written...we no longer stone people to death, we no longer believe in slavery, we no longer offer blood sacrifices...as times have changed so have what we believe...

Women had to fight for equal rights, blacks had to fight for equal rights and now the gays have to fight for their equal rights.

A lovely "woman" by the name of Sister Dottie S. Dixon (she is a "marmon sister from Spanish Fark that wants to bring the gays and the marmon church together" and I just LOVE her!), posted a video clip on Facebook about a 10-year old boy who will not say the pledge of allegiance until "we have liberty and justice for ALL". What a brave young man!

And before you quibble with me...reread the part about consenting ADULTS!!! That's my point!!! The two key words: CONSENTING ADULTS!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Suicide - A Shift in Perspective -- 09/04/09

For most of my life I have been on the verge of suicide, that seemed to me as the only answer when the pain got to be too much. This past week my perspective has been forever changed...let's start at the beginning...

When I was 15 years old, I took an "accidental" overdose of aspirin. I had been crying out for help/attention and no one noticed. I had been in pain for a long time, maybe someday the details of why will be important, but for this blog they are not.

Something happened that day that "broke the camel's back" and I sobbed so hard I got a headache. I took some aspirin about 3:00 pm and then some more and then I took the rest and diluted them in water and drank some of it. I went to my room and wrote my mother a letter telling her I was sorry (my father was in Iceland at the time) and put it under my pillow to be found when I was gone.

About 8:00 pm my ears started ringing and I felt hot and my stomach was starting to cramp. At that point I didn't want to be alone and went to the living room to watch TV with my mom. I don't remember that I said anything obvious to her, but she got up and went to the bathroom and came back with the aspirin bottle. It was empty so she asked how many I had taken...I said I didn't know. She told me we were going to the hospital and I said no...and then ran to the bathroom to throw up.

At that point there was no question about where I was going. I don't remember where my brother was...but off to the emergency room on the air force base about a mile away. When I got there they made me drink some ipecac and some water and told me it would take about 10-15 minutes to work...wrong, less than two. They took blood samples and when they came back I heard the doctor tell her that if she hadn't brought me in when she did I would have died in about three hours.

Once I was "stable" they sent us to the big AF hospital in San Antonio...when we got there I was put in a bed and left there to wait by myself. There was a heavy-set woman that was brought in who had taken an overdose of barbituates. I heard them say she had five children and then I watched as they proceeded to tube her and pour the saline in...then a nurse shut the curtain and all I heard was the sounds of her fighting them. I sat there and thought "how dare she do that to her children"...it never entered my mind what I would have done to my mother, to my extended family if I had died. I was in the hospital for three days.

I had to visit with the psychiatrist, he had on his white coat, coke-bottle glasses and hair that looked like he had stuck his finger in a light socket. He was so funny looking to me that I kept staring at the floor to keep from laughing at him and he told me that I didn't seem to have any emotions...little did he know.

In my sophmore year in high school a girl that I had been friends with in junior high committed suicide...the rumour was she had a brain tumor and she shot herself while her parents were away. Again my thought was "how could she do that to her family", still not getting what I had done.

When we were in England...a woman tried to commit suicide by taking rat poison. She had a four-year old son...AGAIN, "how could she do that to her child" and why would she kill herself over a man (another long story there). Still not getting it...

Fast forward to August 26th, 2009...my coworker's son hung himself...23 years old and the father of a beautiful little boy. As I watched my coworker cry, it broke my heart and I FINALLY got it!

IF ONLY...if only he could have held on for another day and then another day. We don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, we just feel the pain and want it to go away. We don't understand that our pain may go away, but those that have loved us, their pain is just beginning and will last them a lifetime.

There are times that you have to live day by day, somestimes it might be hour to hour or minute to minute. Some people call suicide cowardly and maybe it is, but unless you have felt the unending pain and the hopelessness that goes on inside the brain you'll never understand the darkness that seeps into the soul of someone who contemplates suicide.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Long Time, No Blog -- The Mom Episode!

I can't believe it has been so long since I last blogged...when I started I really thought I had a lot to say...hmmm! And then there was Facebook!

I finally started to feel better, that was a plus!

My mother had to put her special Djiboutian cat DjiDji to sleep in April. It is very hard to see your parent so devastated by the loss. It seems that she has been dealing with many losses in the last three years, her mother, her brother, and her cat Smokey. Then last year was full of health problems, her heart, her brain, and then her foot, just one thing after another!

She took off to see my brother in North Carolina in mid-April and was to come home in early June. On May 5th, she developed SHINGLES...I went to NC to help out with her and we ended up putting her in the hospital after one of the doctors at the instacare said she looked worse than when he had first seen her and said she had "adult failure to thrive". Her heart rate was 161. (She has a heart doctor here and is on medication for it). When we asked him what he would do if it was his mom, he said admit her to the hospital. He arranged it and we took her to Wayne Memorial in Goldsboro. I spent the night with her. In the morning David came to get me to take me back to his house while they were running tests on her.

When David came back to get me they had determined that there was a "shadow" and she should have her heart looked at...because she had shingles she could not ride in the ambulance transport with another patient, so we had to wait around for another one to be dispatched from Wake Med in Raleigh. We left Goldsboro about 12:30 and got to the hospital about 2:00 am. Slept in the chairs in her room.

When they came to get her for the catherization, David and I went to the Heart Center Inn...a small, very nice "hotel" for those that needed a place to stay...mostly for patients that had traveled far from home so they had a nice place to stay prior to their proceedures and to recoup before going home.

I spent the first night in mom's room and David stayed in the room. Then she seemed to be okay enough to leave her at night, so David would go home and I would stay in the hotel room. I only spent two nights at David's house and extended my stay to Memorial Day.

I did get to see my aunt and uncle on the Friday before they left town to go to some car race...and my cousin, her husband and kids on the Sunday. And I finally got some NC barbeque on Sunday...I love the vinegar base and I soooo love hush puppies and sweet tea! We had tried to get some on the way to David's on Saturday as take-out and we got taken...there was no pork or coleslaw...I was so disappointed! We had stopped at a place that David had been to before and it was in the town (Wilson) where he works.

It was determined that mom needed some additional care after I left and David was running out of vacation, so the day I left she was transferred to a rehab. She stayed for about two weeks and then went back to David's. She finally came home on July 5th...David was doing the happy dance! He missed his annual trip to the beach in June, but he was a good caretaker while she was there.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Facebook and Twitter, oh my!

It is intersesting how caught up one can get with a computer...one can spend hours on Facebook with what seems like a million different applications. You can farm, save the rain forest, send hugs, gifts, have wars, whatever and have hundreds of friends...does the one with the most friends win? Anyone? Anyone?

But there is a sense of community that you may not have otherwise had, if not for the computer...

And then there is Twitter, 140 or is it 160 characters and that's all you write, a couple of sentences, short and sweet and usually to the point or not.

I personally like person to person communication first, then phone conversations, then email (although there is too much read or misread in emails that create major problems in relationships). The only three letters I really appreciate in texting/email is LOL...laughing out loud...at least there is a clue as to what someone might mean.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What do I do?

What do I do?

What do I do
when my friends forsake?

What do I do
when my heart breaks?

What do I do
when my soul aches?

What do I do
when my faith shakes?

What do I do?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Can I Even Remember?

January 2009: Wow, another year! The good news, my cousin Cherlyn married her very gorgeous man, Sean, on the third and doesn't even have to change her last name. His last last name is Jenkins too! How fun is that! They had a very nice ceremony and reception at Hertitage Gardens.

My mom celebrated the 34th anniversary of her 39th birthday on the 15th.

Still battling a cold...ugh..I just want to be healthy again! Trying to get all my medical tests done so that I can turn fifty and be Fabulous (yeah right)!

February: More tests...still sick. Finally went to see an ENT on the 13th, he said I had allergies, etc and gave me medicines to help.

Boss gone for a week. Long-lost friend came back into my life, I hope she stays!

March: Grandma's first great-grandchild was baptised on the 7th and I found my cousin Beth is going to have her first baby in September!

Turned 50 on the 10th! WHOO HOO!! Half a century! Had a last minute party at a friend's coffee shop to help her out (I hope we did)! Thanks Lori!

Still fighting something (I have been sick off and on since November)...on the 12th, went to Vegas with my friend Peggie, who treated me to "Thunder Down Under", I must have been sick as I was not impressed and didn't have a very good time. The next day we drove down to Phoenix for me to visit my friend Patti and her husband and for Peggie to visit with her cousin. Lucky for me Patti was not feeling very well so we didn't do much but rest. Mark fixed a couple of good meals and I played cards with his elderly mother and her friend.

Peggie and I left Phoenix for Vegas on Sunday midday. Wandered around the strip, went back to the room and while I was getting ready for bed Peggie fell asleep on her bed (she said she woke up about 4am to get in bed, poor tired girl). Got up and headed back to Salt Lake to our lives in "Paradise".

Barely survived the week...left early on Friday to take my mom to Koosharem to the "Old Folks Party" that is held every year on the 3rd Saturday of March. I did make another doctor's appointment for the Monday figuring it would make me better.

Thought I would sleep the whole weekend, but that didn't happen...couldn't sleep Friday night, must have been that fresh country air...it was about 4am when I think I drifted off, up around 9am. Went to the lunch, left while mom had family to visit with and went back to the room. Went to the dinner at 7pm, they had lots of jello salads...I love the one with cottage cheese and cool whip...it's not hard to make, guess I'll have to make some! Listened to the musical entertainment for a while then went back to the room. Watched a movie and went to sleep. Mom woke me up early. She failed to mention that she wanted to be home by noon. We made it exactly!

Monday went to the doctor's, no answers. Had blood taken on Tuesday, now just waiting for the results. So I am up to date and mom's foot shouldn't be the first thing you see anymore!